[emptiness]
The sun at noon
struck the glass
and i could no longer
see within
Reflected back
Soulless, distracted eyes recognising for an instant
themselves
this empty shell
thinking and doing
thinking and behaving
automatic
This modern world
is it an acknowledgement
of this emptiness?
this neon
this plastic
no longer trying to make it look
good
no longer lying
a rare moment of candour?
was it intended?
can i believe it was intended?
by some drunken god, given up
decamped
parting words?
Oh, that narrative
I dare not finish
those words
the power of association
to drive me into
some imagined emptiness
what will i do
to avoid completing the sentence?
These are our three ages
marking time
trying to fill
trying to distract
trying to accept
our avoidance
of a central anxiety
an emptiness
Have I been
torn
from an idyllic past
wrenched, as if
from a mother's womb
cast out
into a world corrupted
by some inimical force
the banks
the tories
the system?
Can i subscribe to this belief?
- how much better it used to be
shall I recite this story to myself?
shall I cling
to these fragmented narratives?
like driftwood
after the ship sank
or would I
be better off drowning?
And what is my intention here
hypocrites lecteurs?
To drag you into
a shared realisation?
trying to fill
trying to distract
trying to accept
Would i feel less alone?
less like the thoughts that no one wants
Would we come together
in joyous celebration
each admitting
I too know it
would there be some succour?
Or should i offer
some salvation
some healing balm
(only 3c a packet)
(only £300 a workshop)
Should i say to you…
if only you had more money
if only you had better sex
if only you had better relationships
if only you had healed the issues
with your mother
if only
then…
then…
then… what?
should i tell you
it would feel better
the emptiness gone
Can i aggrandize myself
offering…
a solution
like narcissus, would you worship me?
he offered a solution
knowing all the while
Knowing all the while
Poems by Devaraj #1 July 2017